


Feline Eyes

by sunfl0wersmiles



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Friends With Benefits, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, KuroKen - Freeform, M/M, Mentioned Haiba Lev, One-Sided Attraction, Secret Relationship, sex references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-02-23 05:01:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23539483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunfl0wersmiles/pseuds/sunfl0wersmiles
Summary: Kenma wanted to fuck. Kuroo didn’t mind, so they did. And it all escalated so quickly Kenma couldn’t even realize that he was falling in love until he hit the ground.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 84





	Feline Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, this is my first work on ao3, yay.  
> This fic does contain mentions and references to sex, but I didn't think it was enough to rate it as explicit.  
> Also, Lev is mentioned like, twice, but I still thought he deserved some credit.  
> Happy reading.

There were so many things Kenma liked about his best friend.

So many qualities, details and quirks that made him into one of the most authentic people he knew. He had a pair of sunken eyes that absorbed light, dark hair always obstructing his vision, and a creepy but appealing smile at the same time. His shoulders were broad, he had long legs and an oh-so-particular sense of humor. Kuroo had been his best friend for as long as he could remember having friends. He had practically adopted him as his friend, leading him to so many new experiences, places, and people. But he never thought that he would lead him this far.

For the first time, there was something that he couldn´t decide if he liked about him or not.

Ever since Kuroo stepped on high school, he had changed his naughty personality of that somewhat wild-looking child into a burning-spirited player. Kenma wasn´t even sure if he had actually changed, or if it was a part of the boy that had escaped from his sharp eyes all along, fully unexplored. If there was something he was sure about, it was that Kuroo went all out in every conquer of his. There was never a card he didn´t play. He went after girls and even boys with such a heated spirit that seemed to be even hotter after every rejection. And when his conquers turned out right and the dark haired boy could satisfy his everlasting hunger, those were the times that Kenma was even more confused. There was something so dark inside his golden eyes, something that somehow lured him into something that he didn´t want to take part in. He felt a lump in his throat as his best friend told him every single detail about everything he had done. 

Kuroo expelled a whole new aura… of a predator. And at first place, he hated it.

He hated it because he knew he would never be as brave as to try at least 1% of the things Kuroo had told him about. He wasn´t enough for people to fall for him, to be seduced by him, to be kissed by him and taken home with him. Kuroo was able to produce feelings so easily, he was like a sensation-inducer. Maybe it was the way he talked, barely separating his lips, or the way t-shirts framed his collarbones so perfectly, that made Kenma feel so inferior. He just shrugged and nodded at everything Kuroo told him, because there was nothing else he could do. But inside of him, there was an insatiable lust growing stronger… That would lead him way further than he ever thought.

As expected of such an exaggerated extrovert as Kuroo, he used to drag Kenma to lots of parties. Wild ones. The blond boy would just sit down in a corner and play games on his phone, waiting for everything to be over. He wasn´t strong enough to tell Kuroo he didn´t want to go, so he just tagged along. But moreover, there was a stronger motive leading him to those kind of environments. It was the hunger built up inside him. The desire to be touched and feel the same things his best friend had felt so many times. Of course he knew that it wouldn´t come magically, but at least going to parties made him feel like he was trying, even the smallest bit, and he could feel the thrill of it cruising through his veins. He would still stay in the same dark spot, with artificial light making his small face look pale, waiting for Kuroo to return after his hunger had been satisfied by some lucky girl or boy and tell him to get going, that it was time to go home. It had happened so many times that the younger boy had almost lost count. But this time, it was different.

The same slender silhouette walked towards him, hair falling down his face as it always had. Kuroo had a strange way of walking; his shoulders back and his torso upfront, filled with pride, as if he always knew what he was doing. This time, he had a tipsy rhythm, almost tripping by the time he got to Kenma. He bent down and kneeled by the side of the sofa the blond one was sitting in. He was drunk, and his breath had that particular smell of too much vodka clouding his brain. 

“Can we go home already?” Kenma broke the silence, if the loud background music and people laughing could be described as ‘silence’. 

Kuroo let out a long sigh, followed by a glance soaked in liquor. 

“Not yet. I… he rejected me.” Kuroo stuttered a bit, not because he was embarrassed, but because he was struggling to keep himself balanced on his knees.  
Kenma felt envy crawl in his insides again. 

“And what do you plan on doing?” The younger boy replied as he locked his phone and put it into his pocket. The gesture made Kuroo open his eyes wider in relief they were on the dark again. He took some time to reply.

His eyes wondered in the dark freely. They had that sloppy kind of movement, slowed down by alcohol. He looked so deep into Kenma´s eyes, that the younger one wasn´t sure if he was really paying attention to the intense eye contact he was giving or if it was too dark for his drunken eyes to see anything, really. He felt the lump on his throat growing, once again.

“Come with me, would ya’?” Kuroo said, in a strange tone that could barely be described as a question. 

He got up again and pulled from Kenma’s sweatshirt for him to copy his movements. The latter got up nimbly, getting to the same overwhelming height difference as always. Drunk Kuroo gave out even a taller sensation, and it made him shiver a bit. 

He had no idea what crazy plans had crossed his best friend’s mind. At this point, everything was more amusing than playing the same game he had been playing all night sitting in the couch, so as usual, he tagged along. Kuroo took his hand in a childish kind of way. He always did that when he was drunk; it was as if he was scared Kenma would get lost. His fingers wrapped his hand so carelessly that is was even frustrating. 

Kuroo´s hands had been in a lot of places. Jackets, back pockets. Tucked in someone else’s hair or holding somebody else’s waist. Holding chins up, gripping bed sheets, tenderly caressing necks and scratching backs. Kenma´s hands were of limited use. His fingers only knew the touch of the volleyball ball as he setted the ball for someone to spike, and the screens he held between his hands 24/7. He couldn´t help but to make that weird sensation in his stomach even wider. He was jealous of Kuroo. 

There was finally something that he disliked about him.

And it was the fact that if Kuroo hadn´t gone so wild, if he hadn´t turned from a playful cat into a panther seeking for his next pray, maybe, he wouldn´t get so overwhelmed by his loneliness. He used to get along with it so easily… now everything felt different. He disliked that Kuroo was a total and utter Casanova. 

Kenma finally got into the realization that Kuroo was dragging him inwards into the house. It wasn´t even his home; his best guess was that the dark haired boy had been to way too many parties in the same house, and he knew it as well as his own. 

“Where are we going?” 

Kuroo turned around to face the blond boy, and shushed him lightly. He opened a door and pulled Kenma into the room, closing the door behind them almost immediately.

“Look, if we are hiding from someone-” Kenma began to talk, a small touch of harshness in his voice. He really wasn´t feeling at his best.

Kuroo hadn´t let go of his hand.

“What´s up with you.” He didn’t even bother to pronounce it as a question. 

The moonlight coming from the room’s window made his long face look sharper and pale. His golden eyes were somewhere between black and ocean blue now. Kenma looked up to match his daring eyes with a glare. Even though he tried his best, Kuroo would always see through him as clear as water. As much as he had three brain cells, they would never fail to figure him out oh-so-well. 

“It´s nothing. I just want to go home.” 

They were in a bedroom. Kenma shivered just to imagine someone getting to their bedroom just to find the both of them in it, alone. He wanted to leave. 

“It is something. Tell me.” Kuroo asked again, in a more demanding than comforting tone. He squeezed Kenma’s hand tighter, as the younger boy didn´t know what to reply. No matter how much you tried, there wasn´t a way to escape Nekoma High´s volleyball team captain. He was like a black panther, looking at his pray without being noticed. He would always jump. He would always guess. You would never see him coming. 

“You´re drunk, Kuroo. Let´s talk about it tomorrow.” was the best response the blond boy could articulate. 

“You´ve been looking at me so differently, Kenma. Your eyes…” he said, in that dramatic tone of his. His voice sounded raspy. “I know there´s something you don´t want to say.”

Kenma could feel those feline eyes staring at him eagerly. He saw the dark moonlit hair covering his forehead and his left eye. He saw the smirk forming on his thin lips. His relaxed posture and his big hands tucked on his back pockets. He had the predator look. And he was using it on him. 

So many times had he seen the same thing. Those semi-closed eyes intensely looking at somebody else, as if Kuroo was daring them to take the next move. He let his head fall to the left just a small bit, with a playful smile on his lips. He crossed his arms or put his hands on the back pockets of his tight jeans as he pronounced some well-thought pick up line. But never, never had he seen it in first person. He felt so intimidated, but so lured at the same time. 

Kuroo was hitting on him.

“I- uh…” Kenma looked away instantly. Kuroo was drunk. It obviously was because he had gotten rejected earlier and didn´t want to leave without having satisfied his hunger. He didn´t seem to care with whom, apparently. 

The sensation on his stomach grew so much stronger. Suddenly, being so close to Kuroo´s face made an electric sensation go down his spine. But what if? He wondered. The immediate response was a no. Kuroo wasn´t on his right mind. But what if? The hunger inside him made him question it once again. It had grown so stronger that he barely could control it anymore. So many years of friendship thrown away by some stupid teenage desire. But what if?

He didn´t seem to have more time to question it anymore. Kuroo had seen it in his small, almond eyes. As much as Kenma described Kuroo as a predator, the younger boy had the feline look carved in his face. His eyes narrowed when he wanted something. His irises flickered. It was almost as if you could see the whiskers and the claws coming out. He had been looking at the dark haired boy like that for a long while now. Either it was jealousy or envy, there was a much stronger look on his eyes; want. And when the flirt saw want, there wasn’t anything that could stop him. Even more if he was drunk. The small part of his brain that would have told him not to kiss his best friend had shutted down with the first three cups he drank. 

Kuroo pulled him closer much more roughly that he would have liked. A lock of hair fell down Kenma’s face, as he felt an inexplicable burnish sensation on his chest. He wasn´t even drunk. He shouldn´t be playing along so much. But he did. He grabbed Kuroo’s moonlit face and pressed his lips against him angrily. The older one didn´t put even one second to waste. He held Kenma’s thin waist and deepened the kiss almost instantly. This is what he had come for. 

As expected, Kuroo’s mouth was so experienced, Kenma wasn´t even sure if he was doing it right or not, but he felt an explosion inside him, tearing him apart. Kuroo tasted bitter, as he could still feel the traces of the last cup of many the latter had drank. It was a kiss so overflowing with passion and desire they barely could breathe. It wasn´t even love. It was want.

Kenma felt like all he had been keeping inside had been freed from one second to another. He was being kissed so lustfully, being held and touched by the one person he had been so jealous of. That monster hiding on his insides had finally been fed. Now he knew what it felt like. He now had a concrete example of all the sensations Kuroo had talked about. Damn, he couldn’t even think straight. He could only pull the older one closer and closer. 

He didn´t dislike it as much as he thought. 

And so a new relationship began. It didn´t get awkward the next day, or the day after the next day. It was as if their relationship had skipped some steps so fast they didn’t even notice. They repeated the scene so many times they couldn´t keep count. They made out on the dressing rooms, on their way home, on porches and in bedrooms behind closed doors. It was so frantic Kenma could barely name the sensations, besides it making him feel incredibly good. 

He gave it a lot of thought. It was never intended in a romantic way; it was some weird type of coping mechanism. He was so lustful, so needy he didn’t even knew it.  
Kuroo felt like usual. It was something like his daily routine with some modifications. They never actually talked it out. There wasn´t a need for an explanation the next day. It seemed like Kenma’s eyes had said everything in just one stare.

He had certainly grown to like the player side of his best friend.

Kenma had a whole side of him that Kuroo didn´t knew. He was a feline at utmost expression. He had the savage eyes that seemed to glow in a honey-like hue. His hair fell down his face so ethereally. He closed his eyes in his own daring way. He was surprisingly flexible. He arched his back in the same way cats do. He scratched. Sometimes it looked like he was going to gaff the sheets with his nails. 

There wasn´t anything more fierce and untamed as Kenma’s new found side. 

He wasn´t as desperate as it sounded, though. After that wild kiss on a drunken night, something inside him had changed. As much as the desire crawling on his insides grew stronger, he had managed a way of controlling it. And it was the fact that he knew he could satisfy it whenever he wanted to. Kuroo would never tell him to stop. He didn´t gave off that judging vibe anymore. He didn´t glare at Kuroo intensely when he wasn´t looking. He had somehow returned to his normal, quiet and shy (yet a bit modified), version. And the team didn´t seem to notice. No one did, really.

Kuroo acted the same as always; an incredible flirt. He mocked everyone in the same way and made the same stupid jokes as always. He kept playing around with the same girls, and kept making out with drunk boys at parties that went way too wild. 

Kenma went back to his normal attitude; he would look sleep deprived, be on his phone the entirety of the school day and set as well as he ever had in volleyball practice. He kept his sharp gaze and kept talking in that particularly monotone and low-lying tone.

No one ever paid such close attention to Kenma to notice what he was going through before, so they certainly never realized that he had come back to “normal”. They just saw him as the classic Kenma, a gamer, a setter, and an antisocial. No one but Kuroo. Kuroo, the only person that if the blond one cut even one lock of his hair shorter, would notice it right away.

He now knew his body much better.

He now knew a couple of moles Kenma had on his lower back, he knew the taste of his sweat, the sight of his pupils expanding and the sound of his calm voice calling him by his name and not his surname.

“Tetsuro…” he would say against his earlobe, in such a soothing tone that made him shudder. 

No one in the team had noticed what was going on between them. Kenma always managed to look so normal and serene, it was outstanding. Maybe he just didn´t think about that kind of stuff while they were on classes, or on volleyball practice. But when the younger one jumped to set a ball and his t-shirt went up the smallest bit, revealing his pale skin, Kuroo couldn’t help but to gulp. There was something so thrilling about sleeping with his best friend, and nobody knowing about it. 

Everyone knew he was a player. He had a reputation. The whole team had accepted it a long while ago, same as his friends and practically, his whole school. But being friends with benefits with Kenma was a whole new level. Something he felt it was supposed to be kept as a secret.

Until it was not.

Kenma tightened the grip on the older one’s hair to pull him closer into a kiss. Everyone else had gone home after practice, and Kuroo being the team captain, said that he was going to stay a bit longer, and he´d close the gym himself. Of course he had other intentions. They were on the dress rooms now. His hands were crawling beneath Kenma´s t-shirt, pushing him against the lockers. 

Kenma seemed to really enjoy making out with no particular reason. It was something so simple and practical, and it made him feel so instantly relieved, that he didn´t seem to care about where they were at, as long as they were alone. He moved his mouth in a sloppy rhythm, chin up, trying to cope with the height difference between the two of them. It all felt so good. His chest was burning.

His hands traveled through Kuroo´s back freely, and lowered down to his small waist. All the hunger he had been saving the whole day was finally released in a heated kiss. He lifted the hem of Kuroo’s shirt and touched his skin, still a bit sweaty after practicing for what seemed eternal. Feeling his tongue on his neck made his feline eyes flicker, claws coming out. 

That was the moment when Lev appeared in the corridor, his head sticking through the door. He couldn´t even open his mouth. He didn´t say a word. His small green eyes were met with an incredibly fierce glare from his team´s setter.

Kuroo was biting down Kenma´s neck, his back facing the door, when the first year returned to the dressing rooms. He had forgotten his shoes, and he instantly wished he hadn’t. It wasn´t seeing the two of them together, it was the look that the younger one dedicated to him, that made Lev want to run away immediately.

Kenma´s hands were one under Kuroo´s t-shirt and the other one tangled in his black hair. His head was tilted back and his eyes were barely open. But the look of those honey colored eyes was completely reckless. He stared right into his soul.

The blond one didn´t even know why he did it. He suddenly felt that uncontrollable monster raging inside his guts. He stared at Lev as he kissed Kuroo´s neck, and then gave him a last glance before returning to the older one´s mouth. His heart was burning. When he looked again, Lev was gone. He pulled Kuroo even closer after that.

Days later, Yaku had asked Kenma if Kuuro was dating him.

Spicing things up with his best friend was never in his plans. Looking back to his needy, frustrated self, Kenma couldn´t believe how far Kuroo had got him to. Sure, he wanted to experience so many things it clouded his mind, and he took a decision he began to doubt. 

At first, everything seemed alright. Kuroo showed him so many things he didn´t even know he was capable of. Life was fun. He’d go to school, practice volleyball as usual, and then mess around with the team captain. He laughed more. That sensation of satisfaction after the last wet kiss could last for days. There wasn´t anything about it that made him think in the slightest bit that he wasn´t doing the right thing. 

But Kuroo kissed him so well.

There was this strange sensation when their eyes met between kisses that sent shivers down his spine. And it didn´t feel like insatiable hunger anymore; it felt like he was enjoying it. Like if the love bites and hickies he struggled to keep secret meant something different now. 

Three months had passed.

That lump on his throat and that bitter feeling that used to haunt him had returned in a modified way. When his honey-hued eyes catched Kuroo flirting with somebody else, the heat on his stomach felt specifically painful. He had never considered himself a jealous person. In fact, he´d never even been a very close friend to anyone, and was hard for him to develop real attachment. He was just the observant type; would always listen and reply a short sentence in his low tone, but would never go beyond minimum effort to maintain a relationship.

Kuroo was the only exception. Mostly because he knew him so well that sometimes he didn´t even need to say anything for Kenma to figure out the whole situation. But those golden eyes proved him wrong in so many ways… The way he leaned into his left leg, his devilish smile, his terrible jokes and how he wrapped the younger one with his arm energetically when Kenma wasn’t paying enough attention to what he was saying. He was different around Kuroo, like an upgraded version of himself. Like all his stats were on top limit.

There were so many things Kenma liked about his best friend. It just seemed like he liked them in a different way now.

He had grown to like Kuroo, in a romantic way. He wasn’t going to deny it; he wasn’t that foolish. But he wasn´t going to try either. As everything in his life, he was just going to accept it and move on. Making the decision between getting Kuroo to like him back and doing nothing was painfully simple. Kuroo was a player; he was never going to change. He had seen way too many girls fall for him not to know the results. His best friend never intended to be a heart breaker. He just wanted to have fun and mess around. But oh, how many hearts had been shattered unintentionally because he wasn´t capable of taking anything seriously. Kuroo didn´t seem to mind after all.

“Did you see yesterday’s pics?” The older one’s voice rumbled inside of Kenma´s eardrums, that particular tone he used when he was just about to say something he wasn´t supposed to.

Kenma shook his head, his hair following the motion lightly.

“Dude, someone took pictures of me and that guy making out last night. I mean, I don´t really mind but-”

“That guy and I.”

Kuroo laughed at Kenma’s correction. He always made the same mistake, Kenma knew it by hard already.

“Whatever. I was too drunk to notice any phones nearby. And busy.” 

Kenma stayed silent, as usual. He never replied to this type of small talk. But this time, he was paying close attention. His body felt so heavy from one moment to another. He held his phone between his hands tighter.

“Sucks for him. It wasn´t my fault anyways.” Kuroo shrugged, moving on to a different theme as they walked their way to school, early morning, small flower petals floating in the air and then dropping on the sidewalk silently. 

He was holding a water bottle with his right hand, and had darker shades under his eyes than he usually had. Kenma looked up from his phone, sunlight framing his face delicately. The sun had just risen, but it was hidden behind Kuroo´s back. The tips of his hair were orange-tinted and just a small ray of light had managed to make his irises look like melted gold. Kenma sighed lightly, so imperceptibly that the team captain turned his head to the road and kept walking steadily. The blonde’s heart had shrunken. 

He lowered his vision to Kuroo’s neck, without even thinking about it. His first two buttons were unbuttoned, as usual. And lightened by sunrise, yellow melodies so gently caressing Kuroo´s skin, he saw reddish marks. Rose tinted bruises with just a dash of purple. One, two, three… He wanted to look away, but his eyes were fixed to those marks that could been his if he had only agreed to go to the party. And then the same feeling crawled back from the depths of his mind. The lump in his throat rarely disappeared lately.

He took his phone out and tried to calm himself down again.

The decision was taken so easily in a spring morning; Kuroo would just never like him back.

It was so hard to keep up with everything his best friend wanted to do. Ever since they were kids, the hundreds of hours he had invested in tagging along with that dark haired weirdo… Everything was so tiring. Running after him, getting scratched by stray cats that purred to Kuroo only, learning to play volleyball with him and getting hit by the ball way too many times. And now, he had brought upon himself the hardest thing to keep up with and don´t drop dead midway. He´d fallen in love with him. And it would never be corresponded. 

Why even try. 

But Kuroo had the same mindset as always. He wanted to have fun and mess around. Sure, the last three months had been one of the wildest rollercoasters, especially with Kenma, but everything seemed to be turning out great lately. The team was really flourishing. They had won all the last training matches, and Kenma seemed to be much more focused on every movement than ever. 

He was just incredible. He could see it when he pronounced a weird joke and the younger one would look up from between his hair falling down his face, with that very, very small smile that only Kuroo recognized. He could see it in the way his fingers moved so quickly that his eyes could barely keep up while he played videogames. He saw it in his honey eyes when he was beneath him. But the honey that used to look melting hot, now looked incredibly sweet. There was something going on with Kenma, and for once, he couldn´t figure it out.

Kenma’s eyes were the window to his soul. He knew how to interpret every look, he knew all his stares and glances, and had memorized all of his glares. Those were the sharp eyes that let them win match after match, and the sensitive eyes that matched his every time he had went through a hard time. But those delicate looks, those sweet honey eyes, he didn´t know. He didn´t know what they meant, if they were intentional or if he was just making it all up. It seemed like those fierce feline eyes had morphed into the stare of a small cat. He told himself that he´d watch over Kenma some more, and then handle the issue. It was true that their status had changed a long time ago, but moreover, Kenma was still his best friend. He would always consider him as his best friend. 

It was so mind-blowing to think about everything that had been going on the last months. Kenma rarely stopped to think about stuff; he often multitasked it. He´d go through the topics for his tests while he was playing videogames, he´d think about ways for going through that hard level he couldn´t beat while he blankly stared at the whiteboard in class, he´d think about volleyball strategies while he showered. But he never only thought. Not because he didn´t want to be alone with his mind, but because it was such a waste of time; it required too much effort to only focus in thinking about something. But for the first time in a long while, he stopped walking his way home, sat on a bench and studied the situation.

He´d love to blame Kuroo for everything, but if he did, it would be incredibly oblivious and childish. It was him that had envied Kuroo for such a long time his gut ached when he thought about it. It was him that kissed Kuroo first that night. It was him that got carried away by lust just to realize he was in love with him way too late. To be honest, it all had been one of the stupidest things he´d done in his life. If he hadn´t gone after his best friend that night, Kuroo would continue to be the same Casanova as always, and he´d be Nekoma High volleyball team’s setter. Everything would be normal and flat and as unappealing as ever. But then again he thought about those golden irises that sent his sensible side flying to outer space. He hid his face between his palms and sighed. What the hell was he even doing?

“Kenma!” 

Hearing his name pronounced by that loud, deep voice made him shiver. He didn’t even look up from his hands. If he did, he was afraid they would be wet. 

Kenma was sitting in a small bench halfway in the way from school to his home. Since they were kids, they´d always walked home together. Kenma lived only five blocks away from Kuroo, so it wasn´t a big deal for him. All those years walking together had reinforced their friendship way more than they credited them for. Sure, they went to the same school, but they were from different years. It wasn’t the same as walking home every day, filled with Kuroo’s laughter and Kenma’s small nods to everything he said. It meant so much for both of them that it was almost like a ritual. They’d watch the snow whiten the pavement in winter, the leaves crumbling beneath their feet in fall, and the cherry blossom trees blooming in spring. It felt so strange for Kuroo heading home if Kenma wasn’t by his side. That was the reason why when Kenma didn’t even say goodbye after practice finished and walked away by himself, he knew something was off. So off as seeing Kenma sitting down by himself without his phone between his fingers. So off as Kenma refusing to look up after he called his name. 

“Hey, Kenma.” He called again, as he sat by his side instinctively. 

The blond one removed his hands slowly and looked up to his life-long best friend. Once again, his silhouette was framed by warm, evening sunlight. He saw the same bed-head hairstyle, the same thin lips and the same cat eyes he’d looked at so many times before. All the things that made him so perfect that he didn’t want to look at them anymore. This bad taste joke called one-sided love was just too cruel for him to handle. He gave up.

A squirmish look crossed Kenma’s face when their eyes met. Kuroo felt like he had just got punched in the guts; it was the first time he’d seen Kenma look that vulnerable. The corners of his eyes were rose-tainted and his lips were barely parted. He wanted to talk, but he couldn’t. He had never been good in comforting anyone, especially Kenma, who never really needed his words of comfort. It was even worse if he didn’t know what was making the younger one so sad. He was left speechless.

“What do you want, Kuroo?” his low voice replied, breaking the silence.

Even though the sunset brushed all tones of warm colors through the sky, his face looked cold. 

“Are you okay?”  
It was the only thing the older one could manage to speak out. He cursed himself for saying something as stupid as that right after the words left his mouth. It seemed pretty obvious that he was not. 

“It’s nothing. I’m… heading home.” Kenma stood up swiftly and picked up his backpack. He didn’t even bother to face Kuroo as he talked.

He couldn’t even walk a step away before he felt Kuroo’s long fingers wrapping around his wrist. His grip wasn’t strong enough to be painful, but it wasn’t delicate either. He wanted, he needed answers. 

“It is something. Hey, please tell me what’s going on.” Kuroo’s words flashed through the blonde’s ears. He was talking quickly, as if he tried to get all of his words out before Kenma decided he didn’t wanted to stay there anymore.

At the back of his head, Kenma felt an impulse reminding him of the similarity between the words Kuroo and him had just said, and the ones that were pronounced the night it all begun. Except this time Kuroo wasn’t drunk, and he couldn’t use that as an excuse for not talking about what was bothering so much. He let out a vague, bitter laugh. 

Kuroo certainly didn’t remember that day as vividly as Kenma did, so he just held his wrist closer to himself.

“Kozume.” He called. 

Kenma looked away, trying his best not to immediately turn and run. Kuroo never called him by his first name, ever. Hearing his name roll out of his mouth like that made him step back.

What was he supposed to say? He knew it all too well. Confessing to Kuroo was hopeless. He knew exactly what the dark haired boy would say next. Something along the lines of “Wow, I never thought of you as more than a friend...” “I’m flattered, but…” or “I didn’t intend to imply something else, I’m so sorry.” He was so sorry. Kenma certainly knew he wasn’t. 

So instead of that, he just looked up, and matched Kuroo’s golden eyes with his, eagerly.

Kuroo couldn’t even breathe. He’d seen Kenma’s eyes all his life. Since they were small and childish, until they grew to their comforting almond-shaped actual form. He’d seen them fixed to hundreds of screens, following the volleyball ball obstinately, and closed when he dozed away during recess. Beautiful waves of honey formed and crashed against one another inside of his irises. They seemed to absorve sunlight and store it, for further release when he least expected to. Feline eyes that managed to put him in ease every single time. They had the reassuring touch of sunsets and the sour taste of lemons at the same time. They hid meadows of sunflowers, marigolds, daffodils and gentle goldenrods. But moreover, they were like honey. How did he not realize it before? Kenma´s eyes were honey-dipped. They were tender, reassuring, familiar and mild. They were sweet and loving. Just like every look the younger one dedicated to him. Just like the way Kenma felt about him. 

Words weren´t needed anymore. Kenma was in love with him. 

There were so many things Kuroo liked about his best friend. It just seemed like he couldn´t like them the same way the other did.

“Kenma… I-” He began talking, his voice suddenly calmer and a bit hesitant at the start.

The blond one´s heart felt like it had combusted from one second to another. He felt rage. “I like you,” he wished he had said. “I am so in love with you, Kuroo” he wished he had screamed out loud. But he didn´t say anything, and the older one had figured it all out with just one look at his eyes. Was he that obvious? 

This was Kuroo’s rejection speech. Kenma felt like his guts were on fire, same as his throat and the back of his eyes. He couldn’t bear to hear a word of it.

“Don’t.” It was the only thing he could spit out. He turned around and started walking away. He wasn’t feeling like talking it out at all. What else could he do? His chest was collapsing.

The realization that had just hit Kuroo had left him speechless. He had played the same game so many times he knew it by heard, just like volleyball. Just never let the ball fall to the ground; just never let the feelings get you. He only did it because he wanted to have fun, but this was not funny at all.

So many times did he reject love confessions from girls that he had been flirting with lately. The whole point of being a Casanova was never falling for anyone. It was fun and it gave him thrills. So every confession he got, he would respectfully decline. He didn’t intend to make fun of them, or even worse, hurt them. That was the main reason why he moved on so quickly; he kept looking for someone who didn’t mind, who would keep him for a while and wouldn’t catch feelings. Someone who could stand him for more than just a one night stand, someone who didn’t criticize him for his actions. That night, when he looked into Kenma’s eyes, he thought that he had finally found that person, and surprisingly, he had been by his side all along. He had kissed him so passionately because deep inside, he really wanted to feel validated. He wanted someone to share the same need he felt. So he kept him close. He kissed him, caressed him and bit him. So many things had taken place in the last three months between the two of them, it was like they had opened a completely new and unexplored door. But he should have asked. He should have cared about Kenma’s opinion too, and not only settle with a look of his feline eyes.

He partly understood what probably happened. Kenma wanted to fuck. Kuroo didn’t mind, so they did. And it all escalated so quickly Kenma couldn’t even realize that he was falling in love until he hit the ground. 

Kuroo gulped. 

After every rejection, he always felt a slight touch of guilt. He felt a small lump on his throat that made him feel pity for the unlucky girl or boy who had just gotten his heart broken. But it never really affected him. He moved on quickly and looked for another pray. This time, it was painfully different, as if life was teaching him a lesson. It wasn’t an irrelevant stranger’s heart that had just gotten shattered; it was his best friend’s. It was Kenma’s. And he couldn´t help but to feel all the guilt and remorse pouring down on him like heavy rain, until he drowned.

This time, it mattered. It mattered the most.

Once again he followed the younger one and placed his hands on his shoulders. Kenma froze underneath his touch. 

“I’m sorry.” He heard in a soft whisper. The same squirmish face turned around quickly, not bearing hearing those piercing words.

He wasn’t met by Kuroo’s eyes, but his scalp.

Kuroo bent down, trying his best not to shiver. He couldn’t even start to describe how bitter it all tasted. He could lose anything he had and he wouldn’t mind, but he could never lose Kenma. He was so impressively important for him, the blond one didn’t even know.

He got on his knees, and then bent down again. His forehead rested against cold, gray concrete.

“What are you doing?” It was the only thing he managed to speak. Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes, and if he didn’t leave now, they would start rolling down his cheeks before he got home. 

“I’m so sorry, Kenma. I’m really sorry. Please forgive me” His voice was frail and almost imperceptible. No matter how much he tried, he really couldn’t elaborate in anything more complex than those three simple words. “Please forgive me.”

The blond one felt so overwhelmed he couldn’t even move. It was too much. Too much to analyze, too much to think about. Too many things he wanted to say but didn’t know how to speak his mind, so he stayed silent, as he was used to. Wars were raging inside him. He felt so lost and confused. All the fire inside him had extinguished, leaving behind just a small pile of warm ashes. Too much. 

“Please stand up.” He whispered. The first tear rolled down his cheek fell to the ground.

Kuroo stood up slowly, still in a state of total bewilderment.

“It’s not your fault,” Kenma continued. He knew it better than anyone. “Excuse me.” 

And he left. 

That night he cried what he hadn´t cried in years. Kuroo didn’t like him back. He didn´t even wanted him to. But he couldn’t just stop having feelings for him from one day to another. He wished he could. He felt asleep with his shirt damped in tears and his phone by his side, silenced, so no text from Kuroo could wake him up. 

Time passed.

He had been through lots of phases, some pleasant and some he certainly wished to never go through again. Second year of high school finished. Kuroo graduated and went to Tokyo University. Life had been so wild, but he could finally see his mind clearing up again. 

The ring of the door caught him by surprise. He walked down the hallway, both hands struggling to put locks of badly dyed hair behind his ears. As he got closer to the entrance, he could feel the familiar sensation growing stronger. He opened the door without further effort. 

He saw the typical bedhead, thin lips and most importantly, his unmistakable golden eyes. He smiled tenderly. 

There were so many things Kenma liked about his best friend.


End file.
